The Waiting Game

It's been almost 7 months since I gave birth to Baron. So it's been almost 7 months since a doctor has seen my ovaries. I have an appointment to see Dr. Karlan, an obgyn oncologist and have a transvaginal ultrasound immediately afterwards. I have an early morning appointment so I can get back to the boys as fast as possible. I get to Cedars on time (a feat!) and check in. I sit as far away from other people as possible. I wait. 10 minutes go by then 15 then 20. After 30 minutes I track down one of Dr. Karlan's nurses and ask how much longer I'm going to have to wait. I inform her that I have an ultrasound scheduled in 30 minutes. She thinks I'll make it but still doesn't have an available room for me. I am so fucking over waiting for doctors. I wait for another 15 minutes and then tell the nurse I have to go. Dr. Karlan is in the hallway. She wants to know if I can come back in the afternoon. I want to cry a little I'm so mad. "No I can't come back in the afternoon," I say. "I'll just come back in 6 months," I tell her. "You really shouldn't wait that long. Make an appointment next week. Come at 8:30. It's my first appointment and there shouldn't be a wait. I was putting out fires all morning." As the nurse walks me through the series of hallways that connect the cancer center to the imaging center I tell her that perhaps an hour wasted for her isn't a big deal but since I spent the past year trying not to die and missing time with my babies, it's a really big deal for me. "It's a big deal and I'm so sorry," she says.

Thankfully I only wait 5 minutes before the ultrasound technician comes to get me. She leads me to the changing room and hands me a gown. I change and lay down on the table. The technician asks if I've had an ultrasound before. I have. She asks how old my kids are and I tell her. She wants to know why I'm having one now. "Because I had cancer," I say. "Ovarian cancer?" she asks. "No. Breast cancer. But I'm BRCA1 positive so the doctors monitor my ovaries every 6 months," I tell her. I can see her doing the math in her head. "I was pregnant when I was diagnosed," I say. She nods and smiles nervously. The ultrasound takes about 45 minutes. The technician says that the doctor will have my results within 24 hours. I get up, get dressed and before I leave, I retrace my steps to the cancer center and find Dr. Karlan. I ask if she can see me before I leave. Sadly she can't. I'm super annoyed. My tolerance level for most things b.c. (before cancer) was pretty slim and p.c. (post cancer) it's non-existent. I rush home to the boys.

2 days later I call Dr. Karlan's office to schedule my round 2 appointment. I tell the woman on the phone that I need the first available 8:30 appointment. We set the appointment for the day before Thanksgiving. I also ask her who I need to speak to to get the results from my ultrasound. They should be ready and no one has called me. Rude. She says she'll have Dr. Karlan call me. She doesn't. As I hang up the phone I hear Miles telling his monkey blanket that he has to have an ultrasound. He also tells my parents, Boris and few strangers that "mommy's having an ultrasound." Part of me wonders if no news is good news? Or like with a pap-smear they'll only call me if something is wrong? Or is it like cancer where they only call you if nothing is wrong and make you come in for in person news that you're fucked?

Since my appointment is only a week away, I decide to just wait. What could happen in a few days? Right?